Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
