Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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