To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
