How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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