i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
