This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
