The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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