i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
