You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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