Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
