i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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