Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
