drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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