Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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