and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
