people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
