I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
