he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
