Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
