And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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