I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm really busy with my period
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