is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
