I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
