No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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