my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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