I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
