My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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