I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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