I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
