idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize