Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
