What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize