i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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