I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
