i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
