Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
