operation harelip BJ is a go
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize