i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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