I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
