spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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