I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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