I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
