ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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