Me. At least after what I've been through.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
