Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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