Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
