you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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