Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
