I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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