there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
