the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize