I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
