you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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