when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
