you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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