You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
