i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i think my cat just said my name.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
