i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize