Having a random hookup so left but love u
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
