beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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