i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
