I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
