great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
