I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
