I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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