Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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