i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
