I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
